No more drinking and riding

June 3, 2008

So people got sloshed on the London tube this past Saturday.

Wazzat? Sloshed? As in drunk? You can do that? You can actually drink alcohol on the London Underground? You can nurse a six-pack on a London bus? You can knock back double shots of JD on a double-decker?

Why wasn’t I informed of this?? I was in London in 2006 and no one thought to mention this crucial bit of information to me? No travel guide reported that I could hooch-up? Bastards!

Alas, it looks like Mayor of London Boris Johnson decided that enough is enough: no more looking green as a plant at Picadilly Circus. No more barfing all the way between Green Park and King’s Cross. No more waking up at West Kengsington and screaming, “Oh shit! I was supposed to get off at Hyde Park!”

On may 31st, the very last “Ride while you’re pissed” even took place to commemorate the coming of the alcohol ban on all public transport. Now, London residents and tourists everywhere will suffer the ignominy of having to get hammered before boarding the train. Am I the only one who realizes that you can’t possibly figure out those automated ticket machines after five pints of Guinness, three pints of Kilkenny, six chasers of bourbon, three shots of Tequila, four rounds of sherry Wine with those cute girls from Minnesota, and two pints of Smithwick’s for the road?

Well thanks a lot, Mr. Mayor. What will you ban from the Underground next, you prissy git? Public sex and hard drug use?